I'm [33F] turned off by my bf's [35M] "childish" tendencies

I've been dating my bf for a little over a year. Initially I wasn't sure if I was physically attracted to him, but we had sex and it was really good, and that sealed the deal. Lately my attraction to him has been taking major hits. I'm not a therapist but my take is that he is a little stuck in his childhood? The most obvious one: In stressful situations, he becomes withdrawn, passive, and just plays with his hair. We were late to an event a few days ago, and rather than having a "we can make it" attitude or problem solving, he was playing with his hair CONSTANTLY for nearly an hour, and barely keeping up with me while we made our way through the crowd. It didn't help that he was wearing these oversized knee-length shorts that I had told him make guys look like toddlers imo. He just looked like an overwhelmed child and the image is stuck in my head, to the point that I'm unable to see him as, like, sexual :( Another minor example is that he has a few catchphrases that he used as a child that he still uses sometimes as a joke. I think this is normal but it doesn't help. I also know that his mom had advised him to "be cute" when he last asked her for relationship advice, and he doesn't exactly try to act super manly or confident. In the past I've asked him to work on some things and he did make the changes I asked for. For example, I felt like he is too nitpicky about rules, and after I've brought it up he's become way more relaxed when I don't go 100% by the book. That leads me to believe that maybe I can talk to him about this, and ask him to work on being more confident in stressful situations. However, this feels way more "core" to his personality and I don't know how to say "sometimes I see you as a child" without it feeling like a slap in the face. tl;dr: My bf becomes withdrawn, passive, and plays with his hair constantly in pretty much any stressful situation. It makes him look like an overwhelmed child to me and I don't know if I should bring it up, or if it's doomed :( submitted by /u/Altruistic-Recipe-49 [link] [comments]

I've been dating my bf for a little over a year. Initially I wasn't sure if I was physically attracted to him, but we had sex and it was really good, and that sealed the deal.

Lately my attraction to him has been taking major hits. I'm not a therapist but my take is that he is a little stuck in his childhood?

The most obvious one: In stressful situations, he becomes withdrawn, passive, and just plays with his hair. We were late to an event a few days ago, and rather than having a "we can make it" attitude or problem solving, he was playing with his hair CONSTANTLY for nearly an hour, and barely keeping up with me while we made our way through the crowd. It didn't help that he was wearing these oversized knee-length shorts that I had told him make guys look like toddlers imo. He just looked like an overwhelmed child and the image is stuck in my head, to the point that I'm unable to see him as, like, sexual :(

Another minor example is that he has a few catchphrases that he used as a child that he still uses sometimes as a joke. I think this is normal but it doesn't help. I also know that his mom had advised him to "be cute" when he last asked her for relationship advice, and he doesn't exactly try to act super manly or confident.

In the past I've asked him to work on some things and he did make the changes I asked for. For example, I felt like he is too nitpicky about rules, and after I've brought it up he's become way more relaxed when I don't go 100% by the book. That leads me to believe that maybe I can talk to him about this, and ask him to work on being more confident in stressful situations. However, this feels way more "core" to his personality and I don't know how to say "sometimes I see you as a child" without it feeling like a slap in the face.

tl;dr: My bf becomes withdrawn, passive, and plays with his hair constantly in pretty much any stressful situation. It makes him look like an overwhelmed child to me and I don't know if I should bring it up, or if it's doomed :(

submitted by /u/Altruistic-Recipe-49
[link] [comments]