Thoughts on dating someone who's the friend of 2 exes? (21 F, 22M)

Almost 2 years ago, I went on 4 dates with a coworker - over the course of a month. Didn't really know the guy well prior to the dates. I considered this the really early stages of dating, still the talking phase, not official, in that realm of deciding if you're going to go further with this person or not, especially since we didn't yet really know each other. He became super clingy, possessive, and controlling, and that's when I knew I wasn't at all interested. It was never serious to me, it was never anything really, but in this dude's head I was his girlfriend and we were a serious couple. We'll call him Guy A. Flash forward to December 2022: I start dating a guy who, as it turns out, is friends with the Guy A. I didn't know it at the time - knew they went to the same high school but didn't know they were actually friends. He didn't care once he found out and neither did I: I know my title says two exes, but I don't consider Guy A an ex because it was just a handful of dates. So Guy B and I dated from late December 2022 through early May 2023, but he didn't make it official until the start of March. I would consider it an actual relationship, but I wouldn't say it was ever that too serious. We were exclusive and all, but had busy schedules and saw each other only once or twice a week. I have had long-term relationship experience, and this just never really felt like a full-blown relationship. However, I think it may have felt more serious to him than me because I was his first anything. We broke up because of his lack of communication but also just a lack of chemistry. Prior to dating, we were friends within a friend group and liked each other, but it was a scenario where once you start going out you realize there isn't really anything connecting the two of you and there was no lasting attraction. So we didn't end on awful terms: mutual breakup, and we don't hang out as friends ever, but are polite/friendly with each other and it doesn't feel awkward. Once Guy A did find out we were dating, it pissed him off a lot (hello, controlling personality) as if he had some sort of claim over me and I was still his, even though we were literally never even anything. While going out with Guy B and honestly even before we started dating, I got the feeling that one of his best friends (Guy C) was interested in me, but I dismissed it as just friends. But once Guy B and I broke up, it became much more obvious, and this week we talked about it and I was right about that. Compared to Guy B, the chemistry I feel with Guy C is really strong, I've always sort of pictured us as good together in the back of my mind (I've known him - and only him out of these 3 guys - since we were 15). But, he's pretty close friends with not just Guy B, but Guy A as well. So, they're all part of the same friend group. So we're both sort of hesitant about acting on our feelings - it's really more of an issue for him than myself because he's risking losing friends - but I don't want to be the reason that happens, if it does. And just generally speaking, I don't know if that's something I should be cautious/hesitant of. I get the negative stigma around dating within a friend group and the whole 'homie hopper' label. I never even slept with Guys A or B, and I would hardly consider Guy A anything but a blip in my past, seriously - the fact that he's still hung up on me at all is what's so weird. I understand the dynamic being a little awkward, though: of the friends I've talked to about it, some are like seriously weirded out and think I shouldn't even try for it. But I also don't really see it as some huge, giant deal. I gave it a go with Guy B and our personalities didn't work out - it's not my fault his friend and I both developed feelings for each other. I feel like reading into it as some huge deal is immature and that it really shouldn't matter that much, given it's not serious relationships from my past that we're talking about - it's young people going on dates. We've basically agreed for the time being to take things really slow and not really get into anything quite yet until we've seen how our feelings play out for a bit. But I am curious to know other people's thoughts? What I might not realize I'm getting myself into and why it would be a bad idea, or if people think it shouldn't matter at all? Etc. ​ TL;DR: I went on a few dates with one guy and briefly dated one of his friends, and am now considering dating someone who's friends with both of them. Thoughts? submitted by /u/swiftiegal25 [link] [comments]

Almost 2 years ago, I went on 4 dates with a coworker - over the course of a month. Didn't really know the guy well prior to the dates. I considered this the really early stages of dating, still the talking phase, not official, in that realm of deciding if you're going to go further with this person or not, especially since we didn't yet really know each other. He became super clingy, possessive, and controlling, and that's when I knew I wasn't at all interested. It was never serious to me, it was never anything really, but in this dude's head I was his girlfriend and we were a serious couple. We'll call him Guy A.

Flash forward to December 2022: I start dating a guy who, as it turns out, is friends with the Guy A. I didn't know it at the time - knew they went to the same high school but didn't know they were actually friends. He didn't care once he found out and neither did I: I know my title says two exes, but I don't consider Guy A an ex because it was just a handful of dates. So Guy B and I dated from late December 2022 through early May 2023, but he didn't make it official until the start of March. I would consider it an actual relationship, but I wouldn't say it was ever that too serious. We were exclusive and all, but had busy schedules and saw each other only once or twice a week. I have had long-term relationship experience, and this just never really felt like a full-blown relationship. However, I think it may have felt more serious to him than me because I was his first anything. We broke up because of his lack of communication but also just a lack of chemistry. Prior to dating, we were friends within a friend group and liked each other, but it was a scenario where once you start going out you realize there isn't really anything connecting the two of you and there was no lasting attraction. So we didn't end on awful terms: mutual breakup, and we don't hang out as friends ever, but are polite/friendly with each other and it doesn't feel awkward. Once Guy A did find out we were dating, it pissed him off a lot (hello, controlling personality) as if he had some sort of claim over me and I was still his, even though we were literally never even anything.

While going out with Guy B and honestly even before we started dating, I got the feeling that one of his best friends (Guy C) was interested in me, but I dismissed it as just friends. But once Guy B and I broke up, it became much more obvious, and this week we talked about it and I was right about that. Compared to Guy B, the chemistry I feel with Guy C is really strong, I've always sort of pictured us as good together in the back of my mind (I've known him - and only him out of these 3 guys - since we were 15). But, he's pretty close friends with not just Guy B, but Guy A as well. So, they're all part of the same friend group.

So we're both sort of hesitant about acting on our feelings - it's really more of an issue for him than myself because he's risking losing friends - but I don't want to be the reason that happens, if it does. And just generally speaking, I don't know if that's something I should be cautious/hesitant of. I get the negative stigma around dating within a friend group and the whole 'homie hopper' label. I never even slept with Guys A or B, and I would hardly consider Guy A anything but a blip in my past, seriously - the fact that he's still hung up on me at all is what's so weird. I understand the dynamic being a little awkward, though: of the friends I've talked to about it, some are like seriously weirded out and think I shouldn't even try for it. But I also don't really see it as some huge, giant deal. I gave it a go with Guy B and our personalities didn't work out - it's not my fault his friend and I both developed feelings for each other. I feel like reading into it as some huge deal is immature and that it really shouldn't matter that much, given it's not serious relationships from my past that we're talking about - it's young people going on dates. We've basically agreed for the time being to take things really slow and not really get into anything quite yet until we've seen how our feelings play out for a bit.

But I am curious to know other people's thoughts? What I might not realize I'm getting myself into and why it would be a bad idea, or if people think it shouldn't matter at all? Etc.

TL;DR: I went on a few dates with one guy and briefly dated one of his friends, and am now considering dating someone who's friends with both of them. Thoughts?

submitted by /u/swiftiegal25
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